I floated down the Guadalupe River yesterday afternoon. These are the stories of the day.
Exhibit A
Shortly after embarking on the journey, we were greeted with the rapturous sounds of screams and yells. These noises prompted everyone to look in that direction and see that a handful of guys were in fisticuffs. Like any good fight, there was blood flowing from the face of one of the guys as he was going back for more (you think he would have learned his lesson the first time)… As far as I could tell, the whole incident is related to some girls who were throwing out Jello shots, and apparently the guy with the busted nose wanted more than he got.
As this began to get out of hand, the cops arrived and busted those who were involved. I floated past the scene after the police arrived, but I’m going to guess a few of the people got a free trip to jail. Oh yea, and did I mention these guys were drunk? As they were walking (or laboring) toward the police, you could see that they were having rough time walking.
Exhibit B (Not for the kiddos)
“Show me your weenie for a beer.” That’s right, folks. Those were the words out of the mouth of a number of whores girls toward the end of the trip. Like all good, drunk, college-aged males, one accepted the challenge and got a free beer. But still, who does this?
Exhibit C
After finishing the ride down the river, we exited, grabbed our toobs and waited for the bus. We stood there and watched as two guys and two girls gingerly climbed up the hill next to the river. You could see how taxing this activity was for them. The girls were staggering back and forth, and the guys were only having a little more luck. At the top of the hill, the girls were about to collapse to the ground when they piggy-backed their way on the backs of the guys.
This was an interesting scene because the guys couldn’t walk in a straight line when they weren’t carrying the girls. They made it to the line to wait on the bus and set the girls down. The girls proceeded to lie on the ground, obviously hating life at that moment.
That’s right: these folks were drunk as a skunk. (I don’t really know what that phrase means, but I used it anyways). And for the life of me, I can’t understand why you would choose to imbibe so much alcohol that you would put yourself in that position.
Exhibit D
All of the other interesting things I saw at the river: syringes (no needle points, though), turtles, fat people with enormous gyrating bellies, old ladies that have felt the sting of gravity, old ladies that have felt the burn of the sun, people whose swimwear disappeared underneath a mass of fat, a keg, lots of police, groping people, kissing people, a weed-eater propeller, and more.
It’s quite an experience…