Relevant — adj
The most common buzzword used by churches to describe themselves.
God — noun
A common exclamatory word found in most movies. Often used as a prefix to damn.
Jesus — noun
A word more likely to be heard as an exclamation in a movie than as a person in a sermon.
Tolerant – adj.
Accepting, agreeing, and championing a certain point of view or lifestyle.
Emergent — adj.
A group arising from the traditional church which understands scripture better than the less enlightened, older generation.
Fundamentalist — noun
Someone who strictly adheres to the Bible and tells other people about it.
Syn. — bigot, fascist
Worship — noun
Singing, clapping and waving your hands for twelve minutes once a week. Usually accompanied by lights, cameras, smiling people and an orchestra.
Church — noun
A big building which is occupied 1/7 of the time. Usually includes one steeple, two crosses, a stage and many open seats.
Tithe – noun
1. Other people giving money for the support of the church.
2. The act performed by others which leads to free food and events.
3. The most common excuse given for people leaving church.
Disclaimer: This is satire!