The restaurant was filled with booths spiraling about the room with a simple open space in the center. No one knows why that space was open; some say the architect intended to put a fountain there; others claimed it was for live music. But it was wasted space.
It was a busy Friday evening, and the manager hated to see that space wasted. The restaurant brimmed out the door with anxious patrons, each waiting for a seat. Seats were so scarce that the manager placed one additional table in that open space.
No one wanted to take that table. It was in the center; it was the spectacle table. Because of its central placement, everyone in the restaurant could see the table. Everyone knew that table would be the main conversation course for everyone else.
A man pushed his way to the front of the line and placed his name on the waiting list. He began to turn and walk away, but he noticed the open table in the center. He asked the hostess, “What about that table over there? Is there any way we could sit there?”
Annoyed, she blurted back, “You sure you want that table?”
“Yes, oh yes. We’d like to go ahead and have dinner.”
The man and his family were soon seated at the table. Immediately they noticed the scores of eyes now parked on them. The restaurant noise faded into a gentle whirl of whispered comments, comments that were likely about the unlucky family in the center.
The man began to become upset. He couldn’t believe the nerve of the people in the restaurant. “How dare they look at us and talk about us.”
His rage slowly increased as the night progressed. They ordered their drinks and entrees, and you could practically see steam rising from his head. He dreamed of standing on the table and asking the restaurant why they were all talking about him.
Sure, he hadn’t actually heard a single word spoken about him, but he knew…he just knew that was what everyone was talking about. And his wife and kids didn’t miss a beat either: they dropped comments and were just as irritated as the man.
Finally the man couldn’t stand it any longer. He asked for the manager.
The manager came by the table and apologized for their inconvenience. Unfazed, the man tore into the manager about their horrible experience. The manager stood in silence, taking in everything the man had to say. After several minutes of caustic complaining, he ran out of breath and finished.
The manager apologized once again, and asked if he could offer an explanation. The man agreed.
“Be careful of the things you complain about. Life is often determined by the choices you make and inferences you take. And sometimes the noise that seems to be against you is no more than noise.
“And please, let me take care of your dinner tonight.”
And with that, the manager walked away.
Monthly Archives: March 2006
Andrew’s Modern Dictionary
Relevant — adj
The most common buzzword used by churches to describe themselves.
God — noun
A common exclamatory word found in most movies. Often used as a prefix to damn.
Jesus — noun
A word more likely to be heard as an exclamation in a movie than as a person in a sermon.
Tolerant – adj.
Accepting, agreeing, and championing a certain point of view or lifestyle.
Emergent — adj.
A group arising from the traditional church which understands scripture better than the less enlightened, older generation.
Fundamentalist — noun
Someone who strictly adheres to the Bible and tells other people about it.
Syn. — bigot, fascist
Worship — noun
Singing, clapping and waving your hands for twelve minutes once a week. Usually accompanied by lights, cameras, smiling people and an orchestra.
Church — noun
A big building which is occupied 1/7 of the time. Usually includes one steeple, two crosses, a stage and many open seats.
Tithe – noun
1. Other people giving money for the support of the church.
2. The act performed by others which leads to free food and events.
3. The most common excuse given for people leaving church.
Disclaimer: This is satire!
DVD Intros
Have you noticed the intro screens on DVDs? They’re funny if you think about it.
The first one is the, “Don’t copy this or we will sue you and send you to jail.” Then you see it in French and sometimes Spanish. And other times, you see the fancy “FBI Antipiracy Emblem” and a bunch of legalese warning you that you could be executed (joking) for copying the disk.
The second screen is “Please don’t sue is because we didn’t actually approve the commentary that might be included on this disk. And since we didn’t approve it, you can’t sue us.” Of course, the language is much more awkward than that, although that is the gist of it.
We all eagerly wait (usually pressing the next button on the remote) because we have all seen the screens way too many times. So I wonder–why can’t they have a five second blip that says something like:
“This disk is copyrighted and may contain comments that are not approved by the studio. Click play if you want to see the full legal information.”
This way, the studios cover their bases but we (the DVD viewing population) don’t have to sit through that same awful message every time we place a disk in the player.
And I also wonder how stupid our society is that we have to put warning labels on speech. “We didn’t approve this comment, so don’t sue us” is a sad indictment on the lack of reason that permeates our “enlightened” society.
A Convertible Day
Today was one of a handful of amazing days that Houston experiences every year. Sunny. Dry. Not too warm (60′s and 70′s)…it’s just a day where you’re glad to be outside. And even better–I got to play a little sand volleyball in the great weather…
But as I was driving with my window down this afternoon, I thought, “Gee, I wish I had a convertible today…” I saw a few cars with the tops down, and I was a little bit jealous. So…if you have a convertible, I would love to be your friend on days like this!
Strange Day in Afghanistan
I thought we won the war in Afghanistan…
Then why is a man on trial for conversion to Christianity? (article from CNN)
Death could await Christian convert
U.S. lawmaker: Christian-conversion prosecution ‘outrageous’
Tuesday, March 21, 2006; Posted: 10:31 p.m. EST (03:31 GMT)
WASHINGTON (CNN) — In the days of the Taliban, those promoting Christianity in Afghanistan could be arrested and those converting from Islam could be tortured and publicly executed.
That was supposed to change after U.S.-led forces ousted the oppressive, fundamentalist regime, but the case of 41-year-old Abdul Rahman has many Western nations wondering if Afghanistan is regressing.
Rahman, a father of two, was arrested last week and is now awaiting trial for rejecting Islam. He told local police, whom he approached on an unrelated matter, that he had converted to Christianity. Reports say he was carrying a Bible at the time.
“They want to sentence me to death, and I accept it,” Rahman told reporters last week, “but I am not a deserter and not an infidel.”
The Afghan constitution, which is based on Sharia, or Islamic law, says that apostates can receive the death penalty. (Watch how Rahman’s case could cast doubts on Afghanistan’s commitment to democracy — 1:17)
Afghanistan’s population is 80 percent Sunni Muslim and 19 percent Shiite Muslim, according to the CIA. The other 1 percent of the population is classified as “other.”
U.S.: Freedom to worship part of democracy
Rahman’s case raises thorny issues between Afghanistan and its Western allies, and U.S. officials this week made certain that Afghan Foreign Minister Abdullah Abdullah, who is in Washington for talks on the U.S.-Afghan strategic partnership, understood their qualms.
“We have underscored also to Foreign Minister Abdullah that we believe that tolerance and freedom of worship are important elements of any democracy,” U.S. State Department spokesman Scott McCormack told reporters Tuesday. “We urge the Afghan government to conduct any legal proceedings in a transparent and fair manner.”
Abdullah was supposed to talk to reporters Tuesday about talks for the strategic partnership. Instead, Abdullah was bombarded with questions about the Rahman case.
“I know that it is a very sensitive issue and we know the concerns of the American people,” Abdullah said, adding that the Afghan Embassy in Washington had received “hundreds of messages” on the issue.
He further said that the Afghan government had nothing to do with the case.
“But I hope that through our constitutional process, there will be a satisfactory result,” he said.
Rahman’s case illustrates a split over the interpretation of the Afghan constitution, which calls for religious freedom while stating that Muslims who reject Islam can be executed.
Nicholas Burns, undersecretary for political affairs, said he understands the complexities of the case and promised the United States would respect Afghan sovereignty. However, he said, Afghans should be free to choose their own religion, and he believes the nation’s constitution supports that.
“We hope the Afghan constitution is going to be upheld,” Burns said. “If he has the right of freedom of religion, that ought to be respected.”
Rahman’s case could force Afghan President Hamid Karzai into the undesirable position of mediating the matter. Karzai has to placate an ever-restless populace in turbulent post-war Afghanistan, but at the same time, he needs Western assistance to stave off the remnants of the Taliban and al Qaeda.
Allies indignant
The U.S. has 23,000 troops in the country; Germany has 2,700. Canada has 2,300 stationed there, and Italy has 1,775, according to Reuters.
All four nations have expressed displeasure over the situation, some even saying that it is intolerable that soldiers of all faiths die to protect a country threatening to kill its own for converting to Christianity.
Former Italian President Francesco Cossiga wrote a letter to Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, urging him to withdraw Italian troops from Afghanistan unless Kabul guarantees Rahman’s safety, Reuters reported.
“It is not acceptable that our soldiers should put themselves at risk or even sacrifice their lives for a fundamentalist, illiberal regime,” Cossiga wrote.
Rep. Tom Lantos, the ranking Democrat on the House International Relations Committee, wrote a letter to Karzai asking him to intervene and uphold “core democratic principles and fundamental human rights.”
“In a country where soldiers from all faiths, including Christianity, are dying in defense of your government, I find it outrageous that Mr. Rahman is being prosecuted and facing the death penalty for converting to Christianity,” Lantos wrote.
One German official promised to intervene if necessary. Another, Development Minister Heide Wieczorek-Zeul, said, “We will do everything possible to save the life of Abdul Rahman,” according to Reuters.
Canada echoed that sentiment, saying human rights in Afghanistan was a top priority and that “Canada will continue to encourage the Afghan government to adhere to its human rights obligations,” foreign ministry spokeswoman Pamela Greenwell told Reuters.
CNN’s Elise Labott contributed to this report.
Web 2.0 Nonsense
Every day, I’m bombarded with more and more “Web 2.0″ announcements. Every new program or service has been branded 2.0, and the ones with AJAX (not the cleaning product) get some sort of awe usually reserved for deities.
I just don’t get it.
Did I miss something, but I can’t remember the gears shifting from 1.0 to 2.0. Can you?
The internet is not like a piece of traditional software: there aren’t actual versioned releases. Of all of the things of life, I’d say the web is most evolutionary…the steps that software developers take aren’t huge. Someone comes up with a good idea and implements it. Then everyone else jumps on the bandwagon. Repeat again and again.
But it seems to fit with the human tendancy to define things and it in its own little box. And so people saw a difference in the recent web applications, and some writer / speaker said “2.0.” And the world, like a bunch of lemmings, jumped at the chance to have a new buzz-word.
The Wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes
I picked up a Calvin & Hobbes book a few days ago and read through most of it. It reminded me of the genius of Bill Watterson and the clever dialog between a six-year-old and his stuffed tiger.
It seems to me that Watterson may be one of the best (at least my favorite) writers of the late twentieth century because of his timely jokes and ability to delve into deep philosophical discussions with only a handful of words.
Hasta La Pasta
We went to Hasta La Pasta for lunch today. The food is good, but not exceptional…but the service makes the difference.
We waited for 20 minutes to get a table–something that is not too uncommon for a Sunday lunch. And after we ordered, the bread wasn’t quite done yet, so we waited a few minutes for it. And the next thing you know, the manager (/owner, maybe) stopped by our table to apologize for the delay. He let us know that they had been unusually busy with large tables, that our food was almost done, and that we could pick out a couple desserts on the house. He thanked us for our patience and disappeared in the back.
Now that’s service.
He didn’t try to obscure what happened–he was honest regarding the situation, and gave us the information (which we could all see) so we could decide if we believed him or not.
And that’s a restaurant worth visiting again.
Thoughts on March Madness
First of all, congrats to the Aggies for making the NCAA tournament for the first time in nineteen years. We had quite a season, and it’s great so see us finally have some success in basketball. I’m watching the game now, and I have to admit that I’m please with how we’ve come out…
Have any of you seen Adam Morrison of Gonzaga? I’d never seen him play before tonight, and in spite of his quality play, he seemed like quite the moron. When he rebounded the ball late in the game (in effect, sealing the game) , he ran down the court banging his head against the ball. Not too bright…not too bright. Plus his moustache reminds me of something a Middle Schooler would be proud of.
I finally got around to filling out some brackets this year for a couple tournaments…they’re both broken. Who knew that so many of the teams I chose to win would lose?
That’s it. Maybe more later though…
UPDATE I’m 1 for 1 out of the games that matter–Texas A&M defeated Syracuse and held McNamara to 0 field goals. Way to go.
And by the way, if I hear another CBS commentator mention A&M folding, I’m gonna scream.
You Think You’re Special, Don’t You?
“I want to hang out with Joe–he’s so cool.” Or, “I want to hang out with Sarah–she’s so neat!”
Those are two phrases that fit within the average middle school student’s vocabulary. But those are phrases that die sometime following middle school and preceding college, right?
I thought so, but now I think that was wrong.
Sure, people don’t use phrases like that…those phrases sound foolish and worthless. But it seems that so many of our actions and implicit comments say those very things.
We want to hang out with “cool” people…we want to be around people who we like. We like fun people and want to avoid social misfits. We say, “This is only natural. We don’t want to hang out with losers.” Or, “They’re no fun.”
Some of those statements may be true: some people are boring. Some are bitter. Some are angry. And some are no fun to be around.
But none of these things correspond to “loser” or “cool.” In fact, neither description is useful in defining people. The term “cool” is completely worthless and means nothing, because, in reality, what is cool?
Is cool really that important when it comes to people? Our actions indicate that it is. We may joke about it in private (but never on Sunday), talk about how they aren’t good enough for us, and ignore their phone calls while philosophizing why this position is palatable.
The root of the issue is a belief that we are superior to others. We look down on others because we feel that they are not as good as us. In some state of stupor, we fail to realize how foolish and lame that we are?
It’s a sordid state of affairs.
Why is this? Why do we do these things? Why do we do this in spite of the very things we say we believe?
For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)
Not only this, we have been called to love everyone:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”
And we have been called to be ambassadors of Christ:
“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)
And I think loving people is more important than being “cool.”