Disagreements are a funny thing. They happen rather frequently and are a source of continuous dischord between people. The ironic thing isn’t that they happen; the ironic thing is that we rarely do anything about it.
Every day we disagree– Where do you want to go to lunch? Fazolis? No. Quiznos? Maybe. Whataburger? No. Then I guess we’ll go to Quiznos. Of course, this is a minor disagreement; not agreeing on lunch means little when you consider the scope of real life. But this is only a trivial example.
Normally, we chat and disagree. Maybe the disagreement lies in an off-hand comment. Maybe it’s because of tone. Maybe because of a gesture. Who knows. Something causes it.
Our first reaction when we’re angry is to bottle it up. We storm off to our room and pout for a while. Then when we’re done pouting, we call a friend and talk about our disagreement . Of course, the conversation digresses into a bash-fest, describing in detail how much you despise the person with whom you disagree. You repeat this step with sixteen other friends–and being good friends, they all agree with you and join in the opportunity to criticize.
After a few days, your story has spread to 100 people, and by this time, the story has made it back around to the person you disagreed with. Of course, the disagreement deepens when this second hand knowledge is received. That’s when the situation gets much worse.
Some people prefer to maintain the status quo and continue the policy of behind-the-back commenting (and stabbing). Some prefer to confront the problem and deal with it.
I would say that confrontation is the better option. Period.
Why, you ask? Secret conversations about people are bad. It’s usually called gossip. Or if you’re at a church, it’s a prayer request. The essence of those conversations is bashing someone else; bashing is neither beneficial nor good. Perhaps it makes you feel better for the moment, but it has no lasting benefit.
People talk about how wierd it is to confront people. They act like it is foreign and wierd. I say it is always better do deal with the problem. It prohibits festering and limits gossiping. But mainly, it allows for the problem to heal and for the relationship to go back to normal.
Confrontations are awkward. They create more awkward situations. And sometimes they don’t work. Other times, you need to have three or four conversations before you really make any headway. But instead of focusing your efforts on complaining and talking about the problem, you deal with it. And that’s the benefit of the confrontation…